Day 6--London, England

April 24th, 2012

Oh. My. Gosh. I don't even know where to begin with today. After a long and annoying walk we finally found the start place for the hop-on, hop-off tour. This city is confusing as all hell direction-wise. We were hassled getting on by the tour guide because he wanted us on his bus. Love it. He was hilarious! The tour itself was freezing but we saw a lot of stuff. Tons! This city of so full of history almost every single building has some significance. Crazy. The only bad thing was because the tour was so quick and fast-paced, it was hard to see some things and get good pictures. It was cold as hell but still absolutely lovely to just sit and enjoy the city. It's so compact and busy with all these phenomenal architecture buildings. Ugh, it's incredible. I could stand and stare all day.

We finally made it to the Tower! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)...:) K, so overall my life is more complete after being here. I have wanted to visit here and bask in Tudor glory for so long it hurt. The grounds were so unbelievable. So old and just oozing with history. They were trying to hype up the positive features of the Tower and it's primary use as a palace...let's get real here. I want execution and imprisonment stories. Besides the fact that it was freezing like the 9th circle of Hell, it was incredible. The Tower Green is beautiful and the smaller section is where Anne Boleyn, Jane Grey, Catherine Howard, and Jane Boleyn were executed. There is this very simple art structure in memory to hose who died on the Green with a small poem (which I took pictures of in pieces) and it is so beautiful. It's honorable and a lovely remembrance to them. I have to say I almost (well, I did actually) tear up standing there thinking that these women who I've read so much about i feel like they are my long lost distant friends, lost their lives here. I kept trying to imagine what the last thing they saw was. It's eerie and creepy but there is something so raw about trying to put yourself in that place in time. My heart broke for the first time that day...

The Beauchamp Tower was right behind the Green and this was another 'Oh, shit yes' historical moment. Not only is it said that Lady Jane Grey was imprisoned there, but this is where the Dudley Family was also held. So this is where their carvings are. Whoa. I was surprised at them though but in a good way. John Dudley's had a small speech and an intricate looking family crest-like image. It was detailed! I am amazed at all the carvings and how they were accomplished. Robert Dudley also had a small picture with his initials carved in. So amazing. Again, I had to just stand and imagine that these people really existed, stood  in this exact room and carved into these walls. It's unbelievable. So intense, I f'ing loved it. Another check on my Bucket List :)

Speaking of intense; the Crown Jewels...ugh, seriously?! I never thoughts such big diamonds, etc. could even exist. Oh my word, it is redic. Gorgeous. I want to be royal. Dammit. Kate's so lucky.

We finally made it to the White Tower because they wouldn't let us in with our lattes. Bastards. Very pretty obvi but lots of artillary and horses and armor. Very cool to see Henry VIII's armor, like, wicked cool. He wore that?! He touched that, he had that exact and specific suit in his wardrobe. Wtf. 

Lastly we go tto the Bloody Tower where the two little Princes disappeared. Such a sad and twisted story. Teresa asked me who I thought did it and I still don’t know which way to go. My gut says Richard III but my  brain says Henry VII. Either way it is seriously so sad and traumatizing for his mother. Looking at the walls and trouchign the pillars made me wonder is this wehere they were taken? Is this the last thing they saw? Did they touch these walls? So intense (no better word can I think of) to be in the last place that they were. This whoel experience has been amazing. I cannot belive I actually visited the placed I’ve read dso much about and where they actually were. Life is amazing.

But wait a tick, I must go back to the small chapel next to the Tower Green. This is where Anne Boleyn, Lady Jane Grey, and Katherine Howard are all buried. Holy. Hell. I teard up and just felt so at peace at that moment. Maybe not at peace but my mind and body stilled at the realization that their bodies are actually there. Incredible.

After the Tower it ws the journey to Hampton Court Palace! Never in my life did I actually think I would get to see this place. And wow am I thankgin God we figured out a way to get out here. Upon walking up the gravel to the palace I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life. My jaw literally dropped open and I didn’t know what to do. Breath. Taking. Seriously. Sorry Ireland, this palace takes the cake. The outside is unbelievable and the courtyard just inside is just as incredible. I have walked the steps of Anne Boleyn and Lady Jane Grey. Check.

“Henry VIII” himself walked by. Nice. Totally took a paparazzi shot. The garden was beautiful! Holy wow, there were like five different ones at least, all sectioned off. A beautiful trellis that was probably 100 feet long. Gravel pathways, the works. These tree shaped like mushrooms lined the back walkways and I am convinced that Lewis Carroll came here many times as a child or young adult and hot got his inspiration for Alice in Wonderland. Legit looked straight out of a fairy tale.

Finally, we went to Henry VIII’s rooms. Eeh eeh eeh ooh. Breath. Deep breaths. Amazing. His dining hall was rivaling Hogwarts. For real. And each room, along with what it was used for, walked you through the story of the wives. Amazingly cool. I hate and love to admit that I knew pretty much everything already but it was so cool to literally be where they were. Walk where they walked and lived and loved and lost. One of the new things I did learn was that Katherine Howard was arrested here. A letter to Thomas Culpepper was on display…oh my gosh. It’s also said she haunts these halls; that was awesome. T made a comment about how she shouldn’t have cheated on Henry VIII and she wouldn’t have gotten her head chopped off. Well hey now, I had to defend my girl and remind Teresa she was about 17 years old when she was married; you don’t say no to Henry VIII—look at his track record and what’s a 17 year old girl to do? She was young and in love and married to a man three times her age who was foul and ruthless. The poor girl gets a bad rep. I said out loud I got your back Katherine, haha.

The chapel was really pretty. The emblem of his marriage to Jane Seymour was outside which was really cool to see. Even though she wasn’t his true wife, whatever…in my opinion.

Oh yeah, and Jane Seymour had Edward IV here, and then sadly died. Wow. I mean, again, I had to stop and just take in the magnitude of my surroundings. It is legit unbelievable. I want this palace. It is the most amazing and beautiful thing I have ever seen. Pictures do not do it justice. You have to see it to believe it. I must take my Mom here, if I can get her on a plane. She’s the only one who not only gets but loves my obsession with the Tudors.

Quick train to Picadilly Circus for some real British fish and chips. We ate at a random pub we found and—get this!—there was ketchup on the tables! Holla! After dinner we just wandered around, ended up in Soho, unbeknownst to us, where some rando told us a bar with ½ price cocktails…ok then. 2 cosmos (1 each) in hand, we started talking to these two random guys next to us and the two trainwrecks that crashed in after them. Anyways, long story short, very nice guy names Sonny, songwriter for the Jonas Brothers and many others apparently, invited us to a different bar. We talked to him for a while so my rape and murder internal sensor was giving me a green light. With him came his 37 year old creepy man friend, who was married and asked Teresa if he should get involved with one of the trainwrecks…uh, what? Go home to your wife, creep.

Short walk to a bar in Picadilly we found ourselves outside of a velveted off entrance with bouncers and security guars. Um…? Sonny pulls out his waller, flashes a ‘Member Only’ card and up the velvet rope goes. What the hell?! I felt like I was in a scene from Gossip Girl. Seriously. Oh, by the way, during dinner we decided not to go out. Because of that we are in the same clothes we wore all day, which for me included faded jeans and flat knee-high boots…NOT going out clothes. Oh and my huge tote…Thank goodness I had a nice shirt on. If I wasn’t with Sonny, I would have never been let in here with what my scrub ass had on. I didn’t even have heels on!

They bought us drink all night. Gary (creepy man friend) bought us a drink that had Absinthe in it..WTF?! Sonny had a taste of mine and immediately said, ‘you ladies shouldn’t drink this.’ Cool. Thanks ya creepy bastard. Not that I was going to drink it anyway, it tasted like balls. So we continue to dance our asses off, it was amazingly fun! Who expected this? Sonny keeps saying he can’t believe an “American girl” can dance so well…uh, excuse me? I have a bum hip, you ain’t seen nothin yet.

After a few hours, I’m in the mood to go. I’m sick of hearing Sonny telling me he wants to take me to New York. Pump the brakes, bro, who do you think you are Christian Grey? I wish…*drool*. But before we go he insists on a bottle of champagne. Fine…whatever. Make it fast I wanna go home. So he orders it, proceed to hand me his bank card, tells me the PIN number and walks away. I’m standing there with my mouth agape…literally. What do I do? I turn around and the bartender is staring at me. So I hand him the card, punch the number in, and the bottle is ours. Teresa and her Ravenclaw self sneaked a look at the total…274 pounds…roughly 425 American dollars…what the hell?! How do Teresa and I get ourselves into situations like this. Who is this guy? Is this what it feels like to be a rich wife? Goo. I like it…

A glass later—4 for Teresa—I’m being a crabby bitch and want to go hom. I finally dragged Teresa out of the club and proceeded to find out that the Underground is closed—F***!!!! Sonny bartered a taxi for us but I would have NEVER known how to do that. They all congregate on the street and then we had to walk TO HIS TAXI. I was so pissed. Creepiest walk ever to the taxi. My radar was up and I was livid at the literal world for being in this situation. This is not me. I do not do this. This is how people get raped and murdered. I love Teresa but I wanted to take out all my rage on her because it was just so typical. I do not feel that way now looking back but at the time I was enraged at her. Praying and thaking God for a safe delivery home we made it back. Annoyed, buzzed and pissed at the world I welcomed sleep like no other. Until tomorrow, HOGWARDS HERE WE COME!! I’ve been waiting 14 years for my damn Hogwarts letter and tomorrow I go!