Day 13--Rome, Italy

May 1^st, 2012

Well, after wonderful 3 ½ hours of sleep its up and out for a walking tour of Florence. Kill me. My feet hurt so badly it feels as if they are bruised across the entire bottom of my foot. Oh my gosh, the pain. Every step is agony. But I supposed it’s better than my hip…perspective. Florence is gorgeous. The Piazzas are supre pretty, the Duomos and Baptistery is where we started. Michelangelo designed the Duomo’s dome. The woman doing the walking tour was excellent. Super knowledgeable and informative but had way too many erroneous details that took too long to explain. We saw the pig in the maret that I rubbed for good luck and threw some money in. Hope that means I’ll be back!

The Ponte Vecchio bridge was quite pretty. The Piazza della Signoria had some amazing sculptures. I totally have a thing for sculptures. After the tour we had a short demo at Leonardo’s Leather which was actually really cool to see. And the guy was from Minnesota. Go USA! We at lunch at a restaurant Becs suggested—diavola pizza…delicious.

Did some market shopping after that and ate some tasty gelato. I am gonna eat my weight in this. No joke. When in Rome…er, Italy. And F me, we made it to the bus JUST as it started pouring. Phew. Then it was off to Rome! Eeep!

Got to Rome, had some amazing food. There was a traffic light party tonight but no appearances by us. I did buy a hilarious green t-shirt that says, ‘F*** Me I’m Famous @ Ciao Bella.’ My mother is going to kill me but I find it hil-arious! Spend the night hanging out and relaxing and writing in the journal. It’s nice to have a chill night every few days. Walking tour of Rome tomorrow! So excited!!!

Day 12--Florence, Italy

April 30th, 2012

Adieu Switzerland! Italy, here we come! Super long drive this morning and afternoon. I’m personally pissed at the world because Team New Zealand shoved their lame asses up to the front of the line for the bus and each took a seat for themselves. There are 6 of them. When the 4 of us have our own seat, we rotate. 2 of us go solo, the other two share. It’s just so childish that they all scrambled ahead, obviously so, to swipe their own seats. This is why I don’t get along with females, they are too transparent and predictable.

THEN the subject of reading came up and one of the guys told me he thinks a day spent reading is a day wasted. Are you fucking kidding me? I told him, ‘I think it’s the best way to spend a day. Why wouldn’t you want to spend a day enhancing your intelligence?’ Then they all started mumbling so I turned around and shut up before I said something id’ maybe (probably not) regret. Stupid, ignorant fools. People that don’t read or at least appreciate reading, I feel honest pity for. Reading give you stories and experiences of people and situations you would never be exposed to otherwise. You can travel the world and in time without leaving your house. Keep on with your linear one-dimensional experience of life. Have fun. Morons.

Ok, enough with the angry writing, I’m over it…ish. K, so loooong bus ride to Florence. Buon giorno Italia!! Ah! So excited! I felt home. I really did. I was also irritated at everybody on the bus because I felt protective of my homeland. I know that sounds weird but I did. Nobody else knows how much I’ve wanted this or how long I’ve waited for this. I felt it in my soul and my heart and I wanted to hear and know everything Italy has to offer in its history. Becs was talking about how Italians are super family oriented and they Momma runs the household and they have long life expectancies and 600 different words for pasta—all I could think of was, yep that’s about right! I felt so proud to be a part of a nation with such distinct and amazing history. I am home.

And if I wasn’t sure of it before I def felt at home in italy after Pisa. Its in a small square that is walled off in a courtyard and its beautiful! The Leaning Tower of Pisa is gorgeous and just incredible to look at. But the best part was Becs telling us how the Baptistery here has one of the jugs of water that Jesus turned to wine. AND there is building with a cemetery inside that is supposed to have the sand from Christ’s crucifixion, and if you bury somebody in there, the body disappears in 24 hours because of the sand. Goo. I just go chills. I love Italy. I love that we are in a Catholic nation with a huge emphasis on Jesus and spirituality. I cannot gush enough!

Got to our hostel in Florence, or Firenze in Italian, and it has a kickass bar, good drinks—strong—and good food. Run the World was playing when we started actively drinking. Bitch, please. Like that isn’t my favorite song of the moment. It was fate.

Hostel dancing was quite fun. Great jams. T and I did the Dougie and the Crazy in Love dance. Of course, Team New Zealand had to comment and ask why we always knew all the dances?...um, idk, because we’re awesome? We headed for the karaoke bar after that and the streets were PACKED. It was Notte Bianche (White Night) so everything was open all night long. It was a legit cluster fuck trying to get all these people to the same place. Wall to wall people. Becs said they usually see about 50 people on the walk…there were easily thousands. We finally got there and immediately signed up to sing the only song that mattered…Spice Up Your Life…hells to the yes. Shots tasted awful but were cheap so choking that down wasn’t the most fun. Ick.

By the way, Italian men are aggressive. Fuck. I like an assertive man but this was insane. Keep our hands to yourself, sir and stop being such a creepy bastard. Attention is nice and flattering but whoa. Rachel literally kicked a guy in the sternum. Yes…that happened. The guy made the mistake of saying he thought she was prettier than Teresa so Rachel yelled back, ‘don’t talk shit about my friend!’ and proceeded to kick him in the chest. Well played. We ended the evening with ‘It’s Raining Men’ because some fucking retard jacked Barbie Girl from me. Uh…that was my pick! I was so upset!

Anyways, I lost the other girls at one point and walked home with Becs. She is the best tour guide ever. She is just awesome. Lots of creeps overall for the night though. I think Teresa may or may not have punched a guy in the face at some point…not too sure. Italy must bring out the aggression in everyone, eh? Stumbled in to the hostel at around 4 am…oops.

OMG!! I forgot the BEST part of the night! One of my life’s bucket list check marks has been completed. Drumroll please…I threw some guy The Face…and held it…and it worked!! Jenna Marbles, I thank you! So, here’s the story. Creeper was bothering us, rach tried to throw The Face and couldn’t hold it so I did it. I threw it, committed to it, and the guy totally laughed at first, looked around, and slooooowly walked away. Works every time. Jenna Marbles, you are genius.

Go Florence. Play hard. 

What I Learned in Switzerland

What I Learned in Switzerland

1. Don't trust anyone from the Czech Republic 

according to the lovely woman at the desk

...or anyone from the Eastern Bloc

...cuz that's isn't totally prejudiced or anything...

Not that it matters that not only am I Czech but also Polish and German

...Eastern European mutt and proud of it right here.

2. Apparently the entire town of Lauterbrunnen knows when a Czech man is in their midst. 

Turn your locks...oh wait, you don't have any...

3. Dancing on tables singing Spice Girls and N***** in Paris and Miley Cyrus, in that order, is totally normal and totally epic.

4. Swiss people go crazy over 'a little wind.'

5. Switzerland does not need to be in the EU because they are financially stable enough not to need it. This is because of all the money they basically embezzled after the Nazi's couldn't get their money back out of their Swiss bank accounts. I have quite an opinion about this and it is not a positive one. 

Day 11--Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland

April 29th, 2012

This. Weather. Sucks. The wind is too strong and we cannot go up the mountain or skydive. Noooo!!! I am so frickin’ sad I wanted to do it so badly! I would have felt so badass. Ultimate sad face.

So we spent the morning writing. Went and sat at a bar. Walked up a hill to overlook the town. Breathtaking. Wow. I couldn’t believe where I was in my life. How did I get so blessed? I felt so lucky to be sitting there enjoying lunch just overlooking the town. God’s work. It was a perfect day.

We walked around the little town, saw some Swatches and Swiss Army knives. Went to a café where they had this book swap thing where you can exchange books. They actually had quite an impressive collection! Lots of populat books! Except they had a copy of The Historian and it was so destroyed I had to walk away, it was too sad. But since I didn’t get a book in France, I bought an English UK edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. I’m saying I bought this in Paris and it counts as my daring sword fights, magic spells, and princes in disguise book. I almost bought The Alchemist for Switzerland to count as my inspiration book but I decided I didn’t need it…I have to watch the luggage weight after all.

And we got hot chocolate! Check! It actually tasted only okay but still, gotta do it. Rachel talked to the waitress and she told us about a walking trail to see waterfalls inside the mountain. Sweet.

So we set off and it should have only taken about 30 minutes to walk there…it took 50. I was so slow, my hip didn’t hurt but it was weird achy. I finally found a walking stick which helped kind of. Teresa kind of irritated me because I was getting kind of cranky because I was kind of hungry, my hip ached, like wtf? I just got off crutches 4 days before we left. You’re gonna be a doctor so you should know that the way I pushed this hip to walk probably wasn’t the best way to go. Rachel and Jarrah were all, ‘we’ll take a bus back, are you okay?’ So nice and supportive. Teresa? Opposite. I ask one time, not even in a mean way, ‘how much farther?’ and I get massive attitude and this response, ‘Well do you wanna go back? It closes in 20 minutes and then this walk is for nothing.’ Whoa. What the fuck. I just got off crutches and limped about 3 miles. Show a little fucking compassion. Some future doctor. Do I still feel this way? No. was I pissed and enraged at the time? Yes. So I didn’t talk to her the whole time we were in the mountain. Took my pics, saw the waterfalls, and had a good time. It really was cool. It reminded me of that movie Gold Diggers for some reason. It was cool. AND the elevator up the mountain was like a mine shaft. So of course, I had to drop a District 12 reference…obvi.

We did catch the mine shaft down and started walking back, which clearly I was dreading…however, the man who ran the elevator drove up and asked if we wanted a ride. Now I must premise this with yes, objectively this is a very, very bad idea. Random stranger man, foreign country, accepting to get into a car…BUT this is the safest country we will be in, these people don’t even put locks on their doors, my hip hurts, there are 4 of us, it’s down the road…well, giddy up, let’s go. One safe ride and we arrived at our hostel all in one piece. Solid. BTW, the second he asked if we wanted a ride, 2 thoughts popped into my head. 1. Only Teresa and me 2. How do I get in these situations?

So one of the Team New Zealand girls was outside and goes, ‘who is that guy you got a ride with?’ L.O.L. We totally called that in the car that we hoped these bitches would see us riding in style—well, you know what I mean. THEN 2 other Team New Zealand girls came out and told us the lady inside asked who we were, about how dangerous it is, we were so unsafe, yadda yadda yadda. These bitches are so passive aggressive and catty I just wanna punch them. Shut up already. Keep wearing your “trendy” clothes in bumfuck Switzerland, population 20 and wasting a perfectly good outfit on nobody. You’re so cool. I can’t stand these girls. After this encounter, we all decided to be as obnoxious as possible. Might as well live up to the perception. You’re nobody until you’re talked about.

Dinner was amaze. Chicken with roasted potatoes. *drool* We started drinking a little after that and another tour group had arrived and we were challenged to a flip cup game. Oh. Hell. Yes. Fools. You don’t know who you’re dealing with. 30 minutes later these idiots finally got organized. We were the anchor of the team. Duh. And after a very nerve-wracking observation of the front half we pulled it out and legit dominated. Holla! We ended up talking to the other group and were super cool…while the people from our group went back to being hermits. Have fun!

Drank a little more and eventually got on the tables to dance. Eesh, I am so not like this at home. Going out in other countries is so much better than at home. Must bring out my wild side. Of course, our fan club were very keen observers. Such loyal fans we have. This place was hot as hell by the way. I was sweating like I was in a boiler room. I had to sleep in my underwear because I just couldn’t cool down. Oof. 

Day 10--Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland

April 28th, 2012

After another very restful night of 4 hours of sleep, we're back on the bus. Croissant breakfast and eggs--tasty. Everyone on the tour was all, ‘oh, how are you feeling? What time did you get in? Blah blah blah.’ Shut up. Story trying to pretend you actually care when in reality you’re wishing we looked and felt like shit because you know you’re lame as hell. I don’t know what’s wrong with these people that they don’t want to go out and have fun. I mean, that’s fine, do what you want but don’t judge me for my choices.

Anyways, got a seat to myself which was glorious. Totally able to curl up and sleep sporadically. Various stops throughout the day until we got to Switzerland around 5:30 pm. The scenery during the drive was (of course) beautiful. Pictures don’t do it justice—again. You can’t see the depth and color and intricacy of the landscape. It’s ridiculous. The cabin we’re staying in are nice. Only bad part is that the bathroom are like across the street. No lie. It’ll be fine.

The optional for Lauterbrunnen are the train up the mountain to the highest point you can get to without being a legit climber. Totally want to do that. And skydiving!! Out of a helicopter!! Made of a glass floor!! Over the Alps!! Eeep! Sign me the F up. YOLO. However, the weather is debatable due to the wind so I’m HOPING it all works out because I wanna do this SO badly. It’s just a little wind, right?

After settling in we had dinner at the bar at the camp grounds. This is the bar where all the coasters are all over the walls and hanging up! Teresa said Adam and his sister have coasters somewhere in here; he wants her to find it…good luck with that. In Swiss fashion, we had fondue; so good!! I love using the little skewers. We stayed around for a little while chatting and hanging out but hell, we partied hard last night, we were tired and left to journal. And get a good night’s sleep in prep for skydiving!!

What I Learned in Paris

What I Learned in Paris

1. The Notre Dame was almost torn down until Victor Hugo wrote a book about it and it was saved. 

Yay Quasimodo!

2. Children will pretend to be deaf and mute in order to steal from you. 

Bastards.

3. It is ok to drink in the public; 

one does not need to skull wine from the inside of jackets.

Good to know.

4. Apparently they can 'make sex' in Paris.

Who knew?

5. Boys names Romeo actually do exist in real life.

Amazing.

6. Louis XIV was a prick and spent all the people's money building Versailles; 

Louis XV enjoyed it all;

Louis XVI paid for it all in death alongside Marie Antoinette.

7. The Lourve used to be a palace where Louis XIV lived--he built Versailles because the Lourve was too small.

WTF.

Tips and To-Dos--Paris

Paris. The city of love. 

1. Use an over the shoulder purse that can zip.

I found Paris to have a TON of pickpocketers. Beware the children around the Louvre and along the Champps Elysses trying to get you to sign a petition. DO NOT SIGN IT. It is their attempt to rob you. Just ignore them and keep walking. Harsh but true.

2. Go off the beaten path. 

Restaurants close to the Champps Elysses will be super expensive. Wander around a little and find something farther away to keep from paying an arm and a leg for a baguette.

3. Use the Metro system. 

 This will be my tip in every city. Familiarize yourself with the public transportation system. It will save you heaps of time and headaches and money from trying to hail a cab.

4. Speaking of cabs...

It's obvious you won't have any clue where you are going, that's what cab drivers are for, right? Just make sure you're not being driven in circles. This happened to me and I refused to get in a car if the driver didn't speak English. This might sound rude but it's true. Keep your guard up. 

5. The Lourve will try and trick you.

I didn't experience this personally but a friend of mine was trying to exit the Lourve and the signs were completely confusing AND misleading. Be aware of this if you venture inside to try to expand your cultural knowledge. 

Must See!

The Sacre Cour Cathedral
I think this is prettier than the Notre Dame. The view is unlike any other I've ever seen. Hidden tip! Beware of the men that weave bracelets on your wrist. They will come right up to you and start to make a bracelet...then refuse to let go until you give them whatever amount of money they want. 

The Lourve
I'm cheating a little because I didn't go inside BUT if you don't have time to see the Mona Lisa, just going to see the former palace is beautiful. And you can see that pyramid monstrosity. Shudder.

The Eiffel Tower

Obiv. I'd also suggest taking the free steps up to the first level. I didn't get a chance but I hear the view is amazing!

Cabaret Show

It's not necessary to go to the Moulin Rouge, but see a show somewhere. It is so perfectly Parisian that you can't miss it if you're there.

The Champps Elysses
The street glows. Just walk it. You don't even have to buy anything. Just walk to the walk girlfriends. 

Notre Dame

The church is beautiful. The architecture of the building is amazing. You can't miss taking a picture looking like a hunchback in front of it...look out for the gargoyles!

Hope this can help you guys in some planning! I'm always available via Twitter or email if you want more details, have questions about my experience, or just want to talk traveling!